This is sorely behind schedule, but it is what is, nonetheless…
I’m in Sanlo til January 2nd as long as i recieve my plane ticket. any day now. i think. why am i leaving? because God was speaking to me during my outreach and led me to return to Byron Bay as a staff member. why so soon? i mean, i only got to texas in november… because the next Discipleship Training School (DTS) begins in february and my staff training begins January 5th. soo… what am i doing in the “down time”?
glad you asked
i’m actually going somewhat crazy. I’m struggling with knowing who i am. i learned and changed a lot in the past year or so, much of it while i was overseas. so being home, this whole “re-entry” thing is really…
different.
difficult.
lotsa people don’t really understand why or what i’m doing. they think i’m ridiculous for going without all the $ i’ll need. and they usually tell me so. (albeit nonverbally, often through raised eyebrows… ya know, ‘raised’ doesn’t quite do justice to the action i’m describing.)
i don’t know how to be myself anymore and i still put the expectations of others over my life. i am a silly & insecure little human being.
also, i’m in the “post camp low”. you know. where you go to church camp and you have a blast, meet with God, learn heaps and are sooo stoked on Him. and then you get home. back to “real life”. and everything sorta shifts back. to the crummy decisions you’ve continuously made for what feels like your whole life. the same ol’ mistakes you can’t seem to overcome. the feeling of emptiness and confusion that has entered since you stopped meeting daily with the Creator.
on the other hand, i’ve been hanging out with family and friends, catching up and just enjoying people. loving every minute of it. makes me sad to know that as soon as i get used to it again, i’ll be gone. i’m in texas now, but thinkin about it all makes me homesick…
so, i’m supposed to be fundraising…. haha. i’m working on it. i’ll let you know how that goes…
got a tattoo
read`Hebrews 6:13-20
other than that, just missin my dts friends and counting down til i’m headed back to Oz… which, honestly enough, i am missing. it is a bittersweet downtime.
thank you Lord for all you have blessed me with.
